as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
