someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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