Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
