Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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