I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There's always time for handjobs
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
