My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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