I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Someone shattered a urinal.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
