Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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