Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
