oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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