I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
