If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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