it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
