I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
