You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
