I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
