if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
