Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
