Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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