I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
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Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
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I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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