She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
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I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
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I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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