I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Everything about him screamed your future.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
