my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
