She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Sorry about my life...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
