i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
