dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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