dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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