i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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