I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
