Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
