my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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