Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
