I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
