Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
