I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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