her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
