I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
