gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
