it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
