Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
