just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
