I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so let's talk penis.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
