He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
