i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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