Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
