WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
