we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize