I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
