Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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