sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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