please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
