My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
