wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
