In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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