I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
