watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
