well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
