Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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