So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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