i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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