any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
