I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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