You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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