I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
