Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
