I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
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so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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