First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
