There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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