When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
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For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
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I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.