"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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