Texts From Last Night

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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight

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  (414): I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight http://tfl.nu/aoch
  Replies (2) Good night (1502) Bad night (683)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.

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  (301): woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later. http://tfl.nu/zlbw
  Replies (3) Good night (4284) Bad night (1029)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.

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  (412): Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life. http://tfl.nu/15a6
  Replies (21) Good night (3681) Bad night (900)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose

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  (717): she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose http://tfl.nu/p9h0
  Replies (32) Good night (13443) Bad night (1022)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet

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  (763): Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet http://tfl.nu/ppas
  Replies (6) Good night (1062) Bad night (2457)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...

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  (603): Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa (603): I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel... http://tfl.nu/ns98
  Replies (11) Good night (3509) Bad night (1082)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.

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  (520): There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in. http://tfl.nu/msb5
  Replies (7) Good night (3038) Bad night (918)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens

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  (860): I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens http://tfl.nu/onsn
  Replies (2) Good night (2180) Bad night (698)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!

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  (660): I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification! http://tfl.nu/z1dt
  Replies (5) Good night (1183) Bad night (598)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.

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  (913): Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me. http://tfl.nu/qrex
  Replies (7) Good night (551) Bad night (1096)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.

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  (509): Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option. http://tfl.nu/ikne
  Replies (3) Good night (499) Bad night (396)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.

  (917): View more from New York City

  can you adopt me?

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  (585): my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now. (917): can you adopt me? http://tfl.nu/i9vb
  Replies (1) Good night (1188) Bad night (427)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.

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  (214): I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7. http://tfl.nu/9u2f
  Replies (2) Good night (559) Bad night (345)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success

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  (314): everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success http://tfl.nu/6cn0
  Replies (0) Good night (423) Bad night (374)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I have bits of ceiling fan all over now

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  (813): I have bits of ceiling fan all over now http://tfl.nu/xnd8
  Replies (1) Good night (183) Bad night (250)

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