im drinking this country out of the recession.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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