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• (512): View more from Texas

  dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.

  (1-647): View more from Ontario

  Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"

  (678): View more from Georgia

  So... What happend then?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.

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  25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.

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• (718): View more from New York

  Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"

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  25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  He's a Shit stain on my heart

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings

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