Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?

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(917): You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower? http://tfl.nu/keh5

Replies (1) Good night (1325) Bad night (629)
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(416): View more from Ontario

Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home

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(416): Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home http://tfl.nu/32l0

Replies (54) Good night (27867) Bad night (2839)
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(817): View more from Texas

you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.

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(817): you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar. http://tfl.nu/9tne

Replies (16) Good night (3071) Bad night (655)
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(716): View more from New York

The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"

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(716): The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!" http://tfl.nu/wz9q

Replies (14) Good night (2299) Bad night (761)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.

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(973): I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance. http://tfl.nu/0bj8

Replies (13) Good night (4320) Bad night (914)
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(248): View more from Michigan

My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks

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(248): My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks http://tfl.nu/rdtc

Replies (50) Good night (7199) Bad night (1219)
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(561): View more from Florida

i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.

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(561): i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks. http://tfl.nu/2sae

Replies (17) Good night (12696) Bad night (1018)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.

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(336): I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing. http://tfl.nu/tg4w

Replies (12) Good night (6209) Bad night (1180)
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(316): View more from Kansas

The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.

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(316): The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts. http://tfl.nu/ngvo

Replies (54) Good night (8810) Bad night (1723)
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(858): View more from California

Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.

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(858): Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in. http://tfl.nu/efr3

Replies (12) Good night (4574) Bad night (1053)
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(512): View more from Texas

Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis

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(512): Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis http://tfl.nu/fz62

Replies (6) Good night (2242) Bad night (720)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.

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(202): He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message. http://tfl.nu/bw67

Replies (10) Good night (1728) Bad night (1011)
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(917): View more from New York City

The cops raided her house the day before class even started

(1-917): View more from New York City

Those assholes are becoming so efficient

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(917): The cops raided her house the day before class even started (1-917): Those assholes are becoming so efficient http://tfl.nu/vbsh

Replies (4) Good night (1165) Bad night (576)
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(575): View more from New Mexico

Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.

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(575): Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut. http://tfl.nu/7s27

Replies (8) Good night (911) Bad night (574)
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(303): View more from Colorado

My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.

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(303): My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you. http://tfl.nu/ugo1

Replies (19) Good night (778) Bad night (1563)

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