she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
