I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.