I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
