so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner