She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
