His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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