is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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