The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize