Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
